While that defensive strategy may work in football, attacking anyone who expresses a viewpoint different from what they want is, in life, a primitive defense mechanism.Īnother primitive defense is denial: "I didn't say that!" or "I never did that!" when in fact they did say or do the thing they claim not to have done. Children tend to regard the best defense as a strong offense. These responses to difficulties signal psychological maturity. They then engage in collaborative problem-solving. Adults use defense mechanisms like listening to others' concerns as well as to their own. Immature defenses: Freud coined the term defense mechanisms for ways in which individuals protect themselves and/or get what they want.Their mindset, in short, is "It's all about me." In the eyes of a narcissist, no one else counts if they don't get their way, they may result to pouting or bullying in order to do so. They operate like children who want to stay out and play-even though dinner is on the table-and who pitch a fit rather than heed their parent's explanation that the family is eating now. Narcissists hear only themselves and are emotionally brittle as a result. Psychologically strong people listen to others, hoping to understand others' feelings, concerns and preferences. But in reality, it reflects a serious weakness: being unable to see beyond the self. This narcissistic tendency may initially look like strength. If children-or adults-can get whatever they want because they are bigger, stronger, or richer, they become at risk of learning that the rules don't apply to them. Budding narcissism: In an earlier post, I coined the term tall man syndrome for one way that narcissism can develop.Adults, on the other hand, respect boundaries: Yours is yours and mine is mine. In many cases, it's safer just to let a bully have what he wants. The other child may say nothing lest the bully turns on them with hostility. Bullying: A child who is physically larger than other children his age can walk up to another child who is playing with a toy he would like and simply take it.Need to be the center of attention: Ever tried to have adult dinner conversations with a two-year-old at the table? Did attempts to launch a discussion with others at the table result in the child getting fussy?.Soldiers and police, for instance, are trained to discriminate rapidly between harmless and dangerous situations so that they can respond quickly enough to protect potential victims of criminal actions. They then think through the problem, seeking more information and analyzing options.Īgain, some instances of acting on impulse can be hallmarks of mature behavior. Adults pause, resisting the impulse to shoot out hurtful words or actions. Similarly, instead of listening to others' viewpoints, they impulsively interrupt them. They speak recklessly or take impulsive action without pausing to think about the potential consequences. Impulsivity-or as therapists say, "poor impulse control": Children strike out impulsively when they feel hurt or mad.They may need to use "fire" to manage an angry child or an out-of-bounds adult, in order to get them to cease their bad behavior. Sometimes adults, just like firefighters who battle forest fires, have to fight fire with fire. They do not disrespect others with mean labels. Adults do not make ad hominen attacks, that is, attacks on people's personal traits. Name-calling: Children call each other names.Grownups deal with reality, reliably speaking the truth. Lies: When there's a situation that's uncomfortable, young children might lie to stay out of trouble.Blaming: When things go wrong, young children look to blame someone.Emotional escalations: Young children often cry, get mad, or outwardly appear petulant and pouting.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |